The "Natural" Cesarean

Looking back on my fifth delivery, I get really upset. Some might say that I am nit-picking, as MOST of my wishes were respected. I wasn't supposed to have another cesarean. I was supposed to have another HBAC. I had already had two HBACs. However, a situation arose that necessitated a cesarean delivery, much to my heartbreak. I was able to advocate for quite a few things, like absolutely no vaccines or heel pricks for ANY reason. I wanted to see him immediately, and I wanted my husband with him at all times.

I told the OB, who had seen me a few times, that I wished to have delayed cord-clamping, and skin-to-skin. He told me that was not possible. I was in a position to be able to state my wishes, but didn't have the strength or time to argue (long story...). He also discharged me less than 48 hours after surgery.

I look back on it, and I am convinced that he was punishing me in some way. I read about "natural" or "family" cesareans all the time. I know delayed cord clamping CAN BE DONE. I know skin-to-skin immediately after a cesarean CAN BE DONE. I also know, looking back, that while I really really wanted to get the hell out of the hospital...my body wasn't anywhere near ready for it after the beating I had endure *before* the cesarean, and then surgery on top of it. But he discharged me less than 48 hours later.

I know all of the, "You should be grateful" thoughts and comments. But, it could have been done better. Period. He could have listened to what I needed. I think his ego got in the way. He was only willing to go so far for this stupid woman who "tried" to VBAC at home (and did with previous babies!). I read these beautiful (as beautiful as major surgery can be) stories of cesareans that were done gently and immediate bonding facilitated. And it makes my heart hurt.

Not that  my baby and I didn't bond. We absolutely did. Probably one of the best out of all of my kids. And I was heard, mostly. I have several regrets about my last labor and delivery, all of which I think will haunt me unless I try to let go. But that's pretty hard sometimes, eh? 

Rally the Troops!

If there's one thing that I've learned in my time in the birthy world, it's that not everyone is as innocent as they claim to be. That is a particularly hard lesson to learn when you support Midwives as a whole, and the legalization and decriminalization of Midwives. While I once thought that we should support Midwives simply by fact of being a Midwife...I definitely don't feel the same at this time.

You see a Midwife being vilified, and immediately want to jump in to defend. Their stories are posted online, in both official media and blogs/forums/groups. While I know for a fact that so-called "facts" are often not facts at all but outright lies to make the situation seem far worse than it actually was, I also know that people lie. Even "good ole" Midwives. I watched as a Midwife lied to people so that she could rally support and come across as innocently as possible. And it wasn't a rumor that she lied, I know personally that she lied.

I watch as Midwives claim innocence, and then the stories come out from the birthing families who were harmed by either negligence, misunderstandings, or flat out lies. And guess what? Some of them sound much more plausible than the Midwife's story.

Let me be absolutely clear. Is there a witch-hunt in regards to Midwives with the goal of eradicating them? Absolutely, I believe this to be true. But there is also this idea that we need to support Midwives NO MATTER WHAT, when they face investigation, and I disagree. Some Midwives are neglectful. Some are downright stupid in the way that they practice. Some are seriously dangerous. So when there is confirmation that a Midwife has been practicing in very harmful, very damaging ways....are women and other Midwives supposed to rally behind her?

I myself have been frustrated with the Obstetric system when it comes to this very thing. Why do Doctors blatantly defend other Doctors, even when it's clear that they were practicing in harmful ways? It always seemed like a system of underhandedness and brush-truth-under-the-rug. And they seemed to get away with it. Those who spoke out about what was REALLY going on (ie, "whistleblowers") are the ones who get fired and blacklisted.

It's no different in the birthy world with Midwives. Women, doulas, and other Midwives who speak up about scary practices that have led to harm are labeled as "reputation smearing trouble makers", "liars", and unsupportive. Even if the allegations are 100% true. We have a "good ole boy" system in place even in the birth world. Yet, these Midwives who are practicing in harmful ways are slowly ruining the face of home birth and Midwifery by their actions. I'm afraid it's ultimately going to lead women like me, who want full birthing choices, in the dust. 

Really?!? The Birth Version.

Have you ever seen SNL? Yes? Well, this blog is going to be the "Really?!" segment, in birth news/stories edition. A place to vent all of the stupidity that is abundant in the area of birthing - in regards to media, politics, doctors and midwives, and even just women themselves.

Haven't ever seen SNL's "Really?!" news edition? Crappy version, but here you go:

First "Really?!"? Women thinking that because they knew someone whose sister's aunt's cousin had five cesareans and didn't have any complications, that multiple cesareans are fine and dandy. Really?! So let's go ahead and toss out the research that shows an increase in the risk for complications with each cesarean. Ya know, since your sister's aunt's cousin had five and was peachy.

Okay, so not all posts are going to be sarcastic and bitchy. Pretty much all are going to vent frustrations with what goes on in the realm of women, birth, midwifery, obstetrics, and child rearing though. So, if you're not one to understand that this is that place, feel free to click the little black X to the right of your current open tab. ;)